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A few days ago, I took my 7 month-old son to the grocery store. A normal trip that made me reflect on gender roles. Since I was off work, I went in the middle of the day for it to be less crowded.

As we walked through the aisles, people kept stopping to say hi to my son. A few people struck up small talk, and two strangers told me:

It felt nice to hear. Being a good father is important to me, and I appreciated the compliment. But later, I thought about my wife.

She has taken our son to the grocery store alone at least ten times. Not once has anyone told her, "You're such a good mom."

This reminded me of when I returned to work from paternity leave. A colleague (not much older than me) asked:

The assumption was clear. But the reality? My wife was still recovering from childbirth, and I took the lead on everything while I was home. That should be the norm, not the exception.

These moments highlight the double standards in gender roles. These double standards create resentment, strain relationships, and influence our culture in powerful ways.

Double Standards in Gender Roles

Biases That Favor Men

Workplace Leadership

Women have fought for workplace equality, with some companies implementing quotas to boost female leadership. While quotas try to solve imbalances, there are still gaps between genders in the office.

A man who is assertive is seen as confident and a leader. A woman displaying the same traits is often labeled bossy or difficult. We still expect women in leadership to behave differently and criticize when they don't.

Aging Perception

Aging is viewed differently for men and women. A man with gray hair is distinguished. A woman with gray hair? Society pressures her to dye it.

The “dad bod” is appreciated and seen as relatable. Meanwhile, women are expected to bounce back after pregnancy, with scrutiny over their weight.

Household Responsibilities

Men are often praised for doing basic household tasks. A husband doing the dishes in front of guests might hear, "Wow, look at how he helps around the house!" Fathers spending time with their kids are said to be "babysitting."

For women, these responsibilities are simply expected. No one tells a mother she’s doing a great job for watching her own children.

Biases That Favor Women

Emotional Expression

Women are encouraged to express emotions and are applauded for vulnerability.

Meanwhile, men are told to "tough it out," leading to emotional suppression and coping in unhealthy ways. Men being in their feelings are seen as weak and not manly. Suppressing emotions causes men to not understand their feelings with eventually leading to blow ups.

Dating Expectations

Men are expected to take the initiative during the early parts of the relationship.

• Asking women out
• Planning dates
• Paying for the dates

The expectation is that the man is courting the woman and should take care of everything. A passive man lacks confidence. A passive woman is considered "shy."

Financial Expectations

Men are still expected to be primary providers. If a man doesn’t have a stable job, he's seen as unsuccessful and can't provide for his family.

If a woman steps back from work to focus on family, she’s not met with the same criticism. A man not working as hard to spend more time with his family is viewed as lacking ambition

Why Do These Double Standards Exist?

Despite progress over the years, societal expectations remain deeply ingrained in our society, shaped by history.

Many societies assigned roles based on physical differences:

• Men hunted and built shelters due to strength
• Women gathered food and raised children due to childbirth and nursing

However, these roles varied across cultures. Over time, they became cultural norms that still influence expectations today.

Children continue to be raised with these beliefs.

• Boys are taught to be tough and take charge
• Girls are encouraged to be kind and accommodating

Those who challenge these norms often face criticism: stay-at-home dads are questioned, career-driven women are labeled too ambitious.

Even media reinforces stereotypes. TV shows portray fathers as fun but clueless (Phil Dunphy from Modern Family) and mothers as competent but underappreciated.

How Do We Create Change?

Cultural shifts take time, but awareness and small actions can drive change.

Raising the Next Generation

• For boys: Teach empathy, emotional expression, and caregiving.
• For girls: Encourage confidence, leadership, and problem-solving.
• Lead by example: Show kids male nurses, female engineers, stay-at-home dads, and women in executive roles.

At Home

• Normalize equal parenting roles: fathers taking paternity leave, mothers being primary earners.
• Stop calling fathers "babysitters" when they care for their own children.
• Challenge the assumption that women should handle most household tasks.

Embracing Emotional Balance

• Men should be able to express vulnerability without being seen as weak.
• Women should be able to be assertive without being seen as aggressive.

Recognizing Biological Differences vs. Cultural Norms

There are biological realities:

• Men: On average have more muscle mass
• Women: Bear children

But beyond these physical differences, most responsibilities can and should be shared.

Gender roles shouldn’t be defined by outdated expectations. By challenging stereotypes and shifting mindsets, we can build a more balanced, supportive culture where both men and women thrive without unfair judgment.

Change starts with us.

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