When a new baby arrives, older siblings feel it immediately. The excitement of a playmate, mixed with the fear of losing their parent’s attention. Jealousy, resentment acting out.
Most parents either force the older kids to “be nice” or let them figure it out. Neither works.
The Wright parents did something different.
When Wilbur and Orville argued over a toy, Susan and Milton didn’t pick sides or demand apologies. They made each boy defend the other’s position.
Orville wants the toy? Fine, first explain why Wilbur doesn’t want to give it up. Walk through his brother’s perspective. What’s he feeling? What could work for both of them?
It wasn’t about who was right. It was about understanding the other person’s point of view before getting what you wanted.
This simple practice became their lifelong advantage.
Decades later, this childhood habit saved their partnership when most partners would have quit on each other. Building the first airplane meant constant disagreements: wing design, propeller angles, control mechanisms. Arguments that would destroy most partnerships.
But when tensions rose, they would stop and say: “Let’s switch positions and argue the other side.”
Most people do the opposite. They argue harder. Get frustrated when others don’t understand. They double down on their own perspective.
The Wrights forced themselves to inhabit the other’s viewpoint.
For parents today, here’s what this looks like:
Next time your kids fight over a toy, don’t ask “who had it first?” Ask each child to explain why their sibling wants it. Make them explain the other’s perspective before proposing a solution.
It feels awkward at first. Kids will resist. But you’re not teaching them to share. You’re teaching them something harder and more valuable: how to disagree without destroying the relationship.
The Wrights didn’t just build the first airplane. They maintained a partnership that lasted their entire lives because one skill was drilled into them as children: understand the other side before arguing your own.
That’s the skill that separates siblings who grow apart from siblings who build airplanes together.